I was standing in a Peter Lik photo gallery admiring all of his beautiful shots on Front St. in Lahaina. I took my time carefully scanning every photo. The colors were so vivid and beautiful. I was completely content in my own little world finding inspiration, and letting my wheels of creativity turn. I was thinking about how much he must saturate his photos when a voice interrupts my thoughts with “Have you heard of this photographer before?”
Um, really right now? I look up to find some frizzy hair boy (because I’m pretty sure he wasn’t much older than 21 – not like I’m old at 25, but still). He was wearing a green jersey with board shorts and flip flops. Does he actually think I want to be hit on as I’m completely focused and in awe of the talent of this photographer just wondering how he works? I was a little flattered, so I gave the guy a break, but I was really enjoying the solo artistic time.
He started up a conversation, so when I asked him if he had saw the gallery next door, he replied “no, let’s go check it out.” I didn’t want to go check it out. I had already been there, plus I wasn’t done at the gallery I was at. But because I had time to kill, and he didn’t really give me the option to deny him as he quickly started walking out the door, I followed. He started asking me these random questions like if I was to go anywhere in the world, where would I go? What’s my most valued possession? At this question, he must have misinterpreted my giddy excitement to brag and think about the beautiful MacBook Pro resting in my backpack as a flirtatious gesture. Thus, not getting the hint that I’d really rather the creeper just leave me alone. He wasn’t that cute. I didn’t care for his style, and his “picking up chicks” moves were clearly inexperienced.
After this unexpected encounter, it really sunk in and got me thinking. I’m single. Does it show? Do I have a big stamp written on my forehead? Do I put off “single” vibes? I mean (not to brag or anything) but this wasn’t the first guy to throw out some flirty moves while I was on vacay. Dating, hooking up, or meeting a guy really wasn’t in my thoughts. I was going to visit my friend, because she was going through a hard time and needed me. I was solely there to be with her and for her.
But I did kind of meet someone, a friend of my friend. He’s coming to California in a couple weeks and got my number so we can hang out. He’s cute. He’s laid back. He’s mature. He’s a hard worker. And he didn’t lamely try to pick up on me. I liked that. Do I like him? Would I date him? I wonder if he’s a good kisser. Will he actually call? Omg. It is so weird to be back to this point of my life, to even be thinking about dating. It never really crossed my mind after the break up (nearly 5 months ago)! This little island get away was really a single lady wake up call.
The ex and I still remain really close. We talk everyday. He told me he’s happy that I have this time to focus on myself and what I want for my life, but he’s scared I will fall in love with someone else. I kinda feel like he should have thought about that before he broke my heart. I’m a different person now than when we met. I don’t know if I want the things I did back then. I don’t know if I want the life we had together. I don’t know if I still want to be with him. I’m having fun exploring who I am only having to worry about myself. I can go out and guiltlessly flirt. I can hook up. I can date. I can do anything I want. But I don’t know if I’m ready to do it. I think I’d still feel like I was cheating or have the ex in the back of my mind. We live in a small town, rumors start and spread like wildfire. I wouldn’t be able to date without him finding out one way or another. I’d rather him hear it from me, but I wouldn’t want to have to tell him.
I’m still undecided on whether or not I’m ready to jump into the singles pool. I had never really thought about it until now. And after having thought for so long that I was never going to have to date again, it’s kind of an overwhelming idea. Besides I’m not so much even looking to date, I’m looking to meet new people and hopefully make new friends. Really, that’s all I want. And if something happens to come out of one of those new found friendships, I guess I’ll just take it when it comes and deal with it then. But wow, entering a new chapter of life really has a lot of changes!